Discipline

Larry Meeks
Sat, 27 Nov 2010 00:00:00 -0800
Lifestyle

Dear Larry: Your comment about telling your son not to disrespect his mother when she told him to take out the trash reminded me of a story told by my uncle Gary.

The story was about my uncle Jim, Gary's brother, and my grandfather, Gary and Jim's father. It seems that Uncle Jim was mouthing off to Grandpa and saying some really bad things. He said, "Don't tell me what to do, you old man," plus he used Gen. George Patton-type four-letter adjectives.

Uncle Jim was a part-time boxer and much bigger than my grandfather, so he felt pretty comfortable saying whatever he wanted. Grandpa got really upset with his son and punched Uncle Jim, knocking him unconscious.
Updated: Fri Nov 26, 2010

Dear Larry: Your comment about telling your son not to disrespect his mother when she told him to take out the trash reminded me of a story told by my uncle Gary.

The story was about my uncle Jim, Gary's brother, and my grandfather, Gary and Jim's father. It seems that Uncle Jim was mouthing off to Grandpa and saying some really bad things. He said, "Don't tell me what to do, you old man," plus he used Gen. George Patton-type four-letter adjectives.

Uncle Jim was a part-time boxer and much bigger than my grandfather, so he felt pretty comfortable saying whatever he wanted. Grandpa got really upset with his son and punched Uncle Jim, knocking him unconscious.

My grandmother heard the commotion and screamed, thinking Uncle Jim had been killed. I never was told what my grandfather said to my grandmother.

I do know this: Uncle Jim never mouthed off to Grandpa again. — Sarah

Dear Sarah: The same kind of story happened in my family when my uncle decided to disrespect his father, my grandfather. My uncle sassed my grandfather and didn't follow instructions. My grandfather got so angry that he picked up a small log and hit his son in the head with it. The blow caused brain damage. My uncle spent the next 50 years in a mental hospital.

That incident caused so much fear in the family that none of my grandfather's other children talked back or showed disrespect ever again. When Grandpa would speak, everyone listened, obeyed and quaked in fear.

Yes, this kind of discipline works, but look at the price a young teenager had to pay.

I never sanction, glamorize or advocate this kind of behavior, because it can and will lead to unintended consequences.

Dear Larry: The recent letter from the grandfather who was angry with everyone, including himself, after the death of his daughter was touching. I used part of the letter for the organization The Compassionate Friends.

I am writing to let you know of the existence of our group. It is a self-help bereavement organization for families going through the natural grieving process after the death of a child. We have nearly 625 chapters in the U.S., and we welcome all bereaved parents, grandparents and adult siblings to our meetings. We are also very multicultural and have members of all ethnic groups and religions.

Anyone wanting to know more about us can find the answers on our national website, at http://www.CompassionateFriends.org.

As an aside, we are holding a worldwide candle lighting Dec. 12. We are asking members and supporters to light candles in their homes in remembrance of all children who have died. — Dennis

Dear Dennis: Thank you for the information. I wish you much success. I do not recommend lighting candles except in the case of real emergencies. Out-of-control candles have caused many home fires.